Film Review: Underwater – 4/10

‘There’s a comfort in cynicism. There is a lot less to lose...’

As a slow burn monster movie, Alien is pretty much perfect. The tension building. The slow reveal. The paranoia. Ridley Scott’s classic has it all. Sadly, as with every time a perfect movie is made, in its wake follows a slew of imitators. Underwater is the latest in a long line of films (some of them within the Alien franchise itself) that has attempted to capture the magic of Alien, but instead fallen way, way short…

When a deep water research facility is devastated by a mysterious earthquake, the eclectic crew must come together to investigate. Norah Price (Kristen Stewart) is the stand in for Ellen Ripley. Elsewhere, we have Vincent Cassel’s brave but hapless Captain Lucien, T.J. Miller’s light hearted Paul Abel and then John Gallagher Jr. and Mamoudou Athie are two other great actors knocking about in this piece of shit that are given absolutely nothing to do. This is a bad movie.

As many filmmakers have found to their detriment, it is a very fine line between ‘slow burn’ and ‘just plain boring’. Underwater – a film as uninspiring as its insipid title – crosses that line with wild abandon and never comes close to achieving what it sets out to achieve. This is a visually unimaginative movie, with an undecipherable plot and a lack of interesting dialogue. The only saving grace is a good performance from Stewart (miraculous really given what she has to work with) and a solid turn from her talented supporting cast.

Underwater sank without a trace upon release back in 2020, and there is absolutely no reason for anyone to revisit it now. A shrug in celluloid form.