‘People eat fish, Grogan. Fish don’t eat people...’
Master director Joe Dante produced some incredible work in the ’80s. The Howling, Gremlins, Innerspace, The ‘Burbs… it’s a formidable filmography. Before all of that came Piranha, one of the earliest and best (if Steven Spielberg is to believed) Jaws imitations. Being brutally honest; however, there isn’t much here to suggest Dante would go on to become the director he eventually became…
For reasons that are never really explained, flesh-eating piranhas are unleashed into the rivers of a summer resort causing mayhem and death. A parade of forgettable and bland characters either fight them off or are viciously torn limb from limb… except they aren’t really. The gore scenes here are disappointingly lacklustre with the piranha fish themselves noticeably tame. They even make a kind of cute Pokémon noise when they appear. It’s hardly Bruce the shark.
Normally, I’d discuss the cast here, but honestly, apart from a welcome late appearance from Dante favourite Dick Miller, nobody in this movie made any kind of impact on me. Piranha was inexplicably a pretty big success for Dante and legendary producer Roger Corman, but there is no reason for anyone, in this the year of our lord 2022, to watch this film.
Someone out there must love Piranha, as it is a franchise that has spawned four sequels (the second of which is notable for being the feature film debut of one James Cameron), but I really didn’t see the attraction with this movie (although the final scene which sees one character holding their breath for 100 seconds – he is timed – whilst encountering a shoal of piranha fish is pretty awesome).
Piranha is one for horror completists only, and even then, only for people with a proclivity for monster movies or for the work of Joe Dante. Having said that, I will concede that the below exchange is one for the ages:
