Film Review: Carrie (2002) – 3/10

‘Carrie didn’t have any friends...’

I’m not sure exactly how many film reviews I’ve written over the last 10 years but I do know that it is approaching 2000. The most challenging thing about keeping this fool’s errand going for so long is the time it all takes but also trying to find something new to say. And new words to say it with. This is easy if something is so good that it moves you. It’s easy if something is truly terrible. But there is very little to say about a film as pointless and futile as 2002’s TV remake of Carrie. And yet here we all are…

If you have seen Brian de Palma’s incredible adaptation of Stephen King’s debut novel then you know the plot of this movie too as they are identical. Despite claims that this is a reimagining, in reality, this is just a bad cover version of a much better song.

Our eponymous hero/monster is portrayed here by Angela Bettis and her devoutly religious and deranged mother by Patricia Clarkson. I mention these two cast members not only because they are the two leads but also because they are the only two who can act. It’s a shame that the film around them is so bad because both of them bring something new to the material. Elsewhere, Kandyse McClure is woefully miscast as Sue Snell and the rest of the cast barely register at all. Writer Bryan Fuller (who would go on to create Hannibal for NBC) tries to shoehorn in some pop culture references to add a little bit of spice to proceedings but the direction is so flat and the performances so forgettable that the whole thing is a lost cause from the start. Add to that the fact that this is inexplicably well over two hours long and you are left with something that should probably never be watched by anyone ever again.

Perhaps the most unnecessary remake of all time.

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