‘She looks too pure to be pink…’
I must begin this review by offering a reminder that I categorically don’t like musicals. I’ve been trying to think of a way to explain myself here and I think what I’ve landed on is this: in a musical, my brain can’t comprehend the fact that the musical numbers make no sense in the context of the universe of the film itself. Why do they all know the words to the songs? When did they have time to conjure up the intricate choreography? I understand that this is a ridiculous view to have and yet I can’t get past it. One could retort that this rules out any film for consideration that is even slightly fantastical. Why in Star Wars is there a big fish man walking around the place (shout out to Admiral Ackbar)? Well… the thing there is that Ackbar, ridiculous as he is, makes sense in the world of Star Wars. He fits. He belongs. The musical numbers just aren’t logical, damn it!
My other issue is that musicals tend to be very upbeat and positive which, as a miserabilist, is an anathema to my gloomy disposition. Lastly, I just don’t like the songs. It’s not my style of music. I say all of this to ensure, dear reader, that I understand that Grease isn’t a bad film. As musicals go, it’s a masterpiece. But, alas, it’ll never be something that I enjoy. Let’s get this over and done with shall we?
Danny Zuko (John Travolta) and Sandy Olsson (Olivia Newton John) unexpectedly reunite in high school after a summer fling. That’s pretty much the whole plot. There’s some singing. Everyone looks like they’re in their forties. Stockard Channing as Betty Rizzo is the only remotely interesting actor (and she has the best song). It’s all exactly as I expected it to be.
Are all the characters supposed to be so annoying? Who am I rooting for here? I genuinely have no idea. I suppose it doesn’t matter because singing and dancing. And as much as I have no interest in any of the music within this film, there is no denying its cultural longevity. You can throw most of these songs on at a wedding disco and people would go mad. I’d go to the bar, however.
I was forced to watch Grease due to my involvement with a film podcast. I don’t enjoy shitting on something that so many people love. I’m not at all a contrarian usually. But while I can begrudgingly admire Grease from afar, it hasn’t changed my mind on musicals. If anything, I’m even more militantly against them now than I was before.
