‘You’re gonna need a bigger boat…’
4. Jaws 4: The Revenge (1987)
‘I have an irresistible urge to kiss you, Ellen Brody…’
After sitting through the dirge that is Jaws 3D, I convinced myself that surely the final film in the Jaws franchise must be an improvement. Surely the inclusion of real life actors like Michael Caine and Mario Van Peebles would be enough to elevate it above its predecessor. It is with a heavy heart that I can confirm, dear reader, that this absolutely is not the case. This is a truly, madly, deeply terrible film. Caine quipped after making Jaws 4: The Revenge that he had never seen the finished film, but he had seen the house that he bought from his sizable fee and found it to be excellent. And that is reflected in a performance that is worse even than phoning it in. He’s barely telegrammed it in. Luckily, Caine would never come close to being as annoyingly smug as he is in this film again. Excretable.
Jaws 3D: The Revenge is a sad but fitting way for the franchise to die out. It started with a bang, but since Spielberg’s game changing original, this franchise has been a fine example of diminishing returns. Let’s hope that it stays dead.
3. Jaws 3D (1983)
‘Why don’t you blow it up?’
Ironically, while the film is regrettably in three dimensions, the characters themselves never venture beyond being one dimensional…
This is unfortunate as the premise actually isn’t terrible. The thought of a killer shark causing havoc in a SeaWorld type location could make for an excellent, if unconventional sequel. Instead, director Joe Alves takes this concept and turns it into a movie that is badly edited, badly acted and just plain dull. In one scene, a group of young women are performing a water show that involves them forming a human pyramid whilst riding on a jet ski. Enter shark. Doesn’t that sound exciting? Well, that scene ends (finally) with one girl receiving a nasty scratch. And that’s it. In many ways, this is a metaphor for the whole film. So much promise. So little blood.
2. Jaws 2 (1978)
‘Open wide!’
The only way to get any enjoyment out of Jaws 2 is to vow not to compare it to the original. When taken on its own turns, this forgettable sequel is merely a fairly watchable shark movie. The return of Roy Scheider as Brody (as well as Lorraine Grey as Ellen Brody and Murray Hamilton as Mayor Vaughn) helps to provide a link to the source material, as does the return of Amity Island as the setting. Unfortunately, Jaws 2 never comes close to stepping out of the shadow of Spielberg’s original, and despite some successful action set pieces and a few fine examples of tension, this overly long sequel mostly falls flat.
1. Jaws (1975)
‘This fish doesn’t run from anything. He doesn’t fear...’
Of all the RANKED articles I have written, there has never been more of a sure thing than the original Jaws topping this list. Really, writing this was just an excuse to catch up with all the sequels that I have missed over the years, and to re-watch Jaws. While I think it was surpassed by the blockbusters that came after it (namely Back to the Future, Indiana Jones and Star Wars), Jaws is still the archetypal summer blockbuster and it features a raft of incredible performances, namely from Robert Shaw as eccentric bounty hunter Quint, and Richard Dreyfuss as a shark expert. Throw in an iconic turn from Roy Scheider as hapless police chief Brody and what is perhaps the most iconic score of all time from John Williams and you are left with the quintessential summer blockbuster. The film that set the blueprint for all other blockbusters to follow. A genuine masterpiece.