‘I’m not leaving until I have a barrel full of Nazi hearts…’
It’s very difficult to write a review for a film that in reality only merits the three-word analysis “It was fine” but that pithy description won’t really do here so I’ll try my best. I am paid the big bucks for this after all. Oh, what’s that? I’m actually paid ‘zero’ bucks for this? Good. Good.
A group of ridiculously attractive spies (led by Henry Cavill) are recruited to disrupt the Nazis’ U-boat resupply operation during World War II. Along the way, there are tribulations to overcome and conflicts to resolve. There are explosions and smouldering glances, lots of one-liners and witty exchanges. It’s all very Guy Ritchie, old boy. But is it doing anything new? No, is the answer.
While The Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare has a great first act and compelling moments throughout, it is also derivative of the spy genre generally. Indeed, Cavill’s character Gus March-Phillips has been suggested as one of the real-life inspirations for James Bond (Sir Ian Fleming appears here as portrayed by Freddie Fox). One of the issues perhaps is that I just don’t care for this genre. As with Bond himself, it seems that most of the men presented to us here are tiresome and unlikeable. Another issue, and believe me I am sick to death of writing about this, is that so much of Ritchie’s movie takes place in darkness. This modern insistence on realistic lighting has made watching a film a frustrating experience. I’m sure the big set piece that takes place in the film’s final act is awe-inspiring but I’ll be damned if I could make any of it out. Yet another problem is that despite being a period piece based on the real-life exploits of an incredibly brave and competent selection of soldiers nobody in this film ever threatens to look or sound remotely like somebody who may once have actually existed. I get that gritty authenticity is not the Guy Ritchie way, and that’s fair enough, but it harms the film here.
The Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare is the kind of film that I watched and kind of enjoyed but I will now never think about it again as long as I live. It was fine.
