Film Review: Amsterdam – 3/10

‘Each one of us is given a tapestry, our own opera…’

Sometimes it’s almost incredible just how bad a film can be. Writer-director David O. Russell has directed some great films in the shape of The Fighter, Silver Linings Playbook and American Hustle. His latest film Amsterdam features a cast including but not limited to (deep breath): Christian Bale, Margot Robbie, Anya Taylor-Joy, Chris Rock, Michael Shannon, Mike Myers, Robert De Niro, Taylor Swift and Remi Malek. If you are wondering why it is absent from the Oscar nominations it’s because it is absolutely irretrievably appalling…

Traditionally, I would write a plot description here but for Amsterdam this is impossible. Some characters are framed for murdering a young woman by some other different characters. I just about understood that element of the film. Everything else was utterly incoherent and indecipherable.

The most damning statement I can make about Amsterdam is that it reminded me of that other pile of excrement Don’t Look Up. Both films are ‘comedies’ without a single laugh. They both feature prestigious actors delivering terrible performances. They both claim to be misunderstood by people who must be gluttons for punishment. And most salient of all, they’re both dogshit.

Hubris. Overreach. Self-indulgence. Who knows what inspired Amsterdam? Whatever it was doesn’t matter, the end result is a smug, shrill and unbearable film in which the performers regularly confuse shouting with emotional depth and even the voiceover feels like it was written by a teenage film noir obsessive. It’s just plain bad. Truly, madly, deeply bad.

Both critics and audiences have savaged Amsterdam, and it’s easy to see why. This is a film that is impossible to like. Russell has created a film that occasionally looks nice but it has nothing at its centre. This is, in essence, a completely pointless film. And I hated it. Hated, hated, hated it. Now, let’s confine Amsterdam to the dustbin of cinematic history and never speak of it again.